The raven has left the icebox.
Chocolate sauce slightly too sweet. Spoon recommended.
2/16/07
PETA: Feel the sting of corruption
In an attempt to quiet further protests from PETA about the use of dolphins as undercover operatives, Agent Red Zenith and Myself infiltrated PETA headquarters so that we may assassinate the leading opponents of our objectives. We soon found out, however, that the PETA security system was slightly more robust than we were prepared to cope with. After disabling the laser turrets and anti-personel mines, we were making our way into the complex. Apparently there were hidden motion detectors that set off what I assume were dog whistles, for the moment we set foot past the outer wall, a pack of hidden dogs pounced upon us! Much to our suprise, the dogs could speak! They also had strange cybernetic enhancements on their eyes and bodies. WHAT WAS PETA DOING TO THESE ANIMALS!? The quick witted Red Zenith hurriedly issued a series of commanding barks to the vicious animals. They slowly backed down from us, and we were finally able to communicate with them. After about 20 minutes of quiet conversation, we were able to persuade the dogs to work for us if we set them free of PETA's oppressive clutches. We each gave the dogs a pack of tools to aid their infiltration deeper into the complex. About 10 minutes later, the central building in the complex violently exploded. We made our exit.
2/13/07
SECRET WAR DECLARED!
It is my solemn duty to inform all our agents and operatives that as of today AWD is declaring total war on the Society for Total Control (STC). As some of you may already know, this pretender organization also has world domination as it's goal, so it was inevitable that we would come into conflict.
However, this state of war was not planned by us to happen until June 7th 2009, when we were going to glue all the doors in their secret lair shut. Sadly, out current conflict is due to a surprise attack on my person just hours ago by one of their high ranking officers.
A certain "Prime Monarch" and I were discussing (over a pleasant meal) a temporary alliance against the Esoteric Order of International Overthrow (EOIO), when suddenly I noticed a hand that was not mine, picking through my French fries!
"Oh, were you going to eat those?" The swine asked me.
I informed him that I was fully aware of his scheme to poison my food and promptly upended the table, tossed a smoke bomb onto the floor and fled the room. You will all be glad to know that no traces of poison have been found in my system and my rule continues un-threatened.
All Agents of AWD are instructed to engage any STC operatives on sight. Since their talent for disguise is second only to our own, I will remind you that some tell-tale signs of membership in STC are Treachery, snotty attitudes and horrible haircuts.
I wish you all the best of luck against this new enemy. Be on the watch for members of EOIO as well. You can never tell what devious scheme those guys are up to.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
However, this state of war was not planned by us to happen until June 7th 2009, when we were going to glue all the doors in their secret lair shut. Sadly, out current conflict is due to a surprise attack on my person just hours ago by one of their high ranking officers.
A certain "Prime Monarch" and I were discussing (over a pleasant meal) a temporary alliance against the Esoteric Order of International Overthrow (EOIO), when suddenly I noticed a hand that was not mine, picking through my French fries!
"Oh, were you going to eat those?" The swine asked me.
I informed him that I was fully aware of his scheme to poison my food and promptly upended the table, tossed a smoke bomb onto the floor and fled the room. You will all be glad to know that no traces of poison have been found in my system and my rule continues un-threatened.
All Agents of AWD are instructed to engage any STC operatives on sight. Since their talent for disguise is second only to our own, I will remind you that some tell-tale signs of membership in STC are Treachery, snotty attitudes and horrible haircuts.
I wish you all the best of luck against this new enemy. Be on the watch for members of EOIO as well. You can never tell what devious scheme those guys are up to.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
It has recently come to my attention that a pair of my shoes has gone missing.
I recall taking them off during our last Over-Council meeting because my feet were quite hot. However, I neglected to put them back on and left the meeting chamber. Now, upon return, I cannot seem to locate them.
If anyone has the slightest inkling as to where they could be found, please contact me privately. Although, if I find out that anyone has intentionally taken them, I will be forced to take swift and violent action. Practical jokes played on an Overperson are, as you all know, punishable by 10-12 days in the acid mines, or death (whichever the most convenient option may be at the time).
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
I recall taking them off during our last Over-Council meeting because my feet were quite hot. However, I neglected to put them back on and left the meeting chamber. Now, upon return, I cannot seem to locate them.
If anyone has the slightest inkling as to where they could be found, please contact me privately. Although, if I find out that anyone has intentionally taken them, I will be forced to take swift and violent action. Practical jokes played on an Overperson are, as you all know, punishable by 10-12 days in the acid mines, or death (whichever the most convenient option may be at the time).
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
2/12/07
OPERATIONS LOOKING WELL IN CALIFORNIA!
Early last week one of our most important plans started to bear fruit.
For those of you who received AWD 5YP #216 please recall point 627b: "To spread chaos and stir political unrest in California by use of Agents posing as Street Performers". It is my happy duty to inform you of our first successful strike!
However, it was not one of our numerous agents who struck the blow, but instead a lone madman. Frederick Evan Young, dressed as popular pilot figure Chewbacca, became violent with a Californian tour guide on Monday and headbutted him. You may ask how we can take credit for something our Agents did not do, and you would be right. However it was Agent Green Hourglass who secreted into Young's home the night before and slipped a very special chemical agent into the Performer's daily lunch of Sardine Mayonnaise sandwich and beer.
Chemical #2518 or "Angry Sauce", as some of you already know, cause the subject to become irritable and self-righteous. They will shout at passers by and touch them inappropriately.
Young is said to have shouted: "Nobody tells a Wookie what to do" which is exactly one of the things our test subjects are documented to have screamed at AWD scientists. Among other things: "Don't touch me, I'm Catholic!" "Stop fondling my sandwiches!" and "Overlady Green is PEOPLE!"
It is a happy coincidence that Young was appearing as Chewbacca that day, or we may have been discovered.
I would like to thank Operative Black Orange for this report.
Vincere Causa Anima et Lucri
For those of you who received AWD 5YP #216 please recall point 627b: "To spread chaos and stir political unrest in California by use of Agents posing as Street Performers". It is my happy duty to inform you of our first successful strike!
However, it was not one of our numerous agents who struck the blow, but instead a lone madman. Frederick Evan Young, dressed as popular pilot figure Chewbacca, became violent with a Californian tour guide on Monday and headbutted him. You may ask how we can take credit for something our Agents did not do, and you would be right. However it was Agent Green Hourglass who secreted into Young's home the night before and slipped a very special chemical agent into the Performer's daily lunch of Sardine Mayonnaise sandwich and beer.
Chemical #2518 or "Angry Sauce", as some of you already know, cause the subject to become irritable and self-righteous. They will shout at passers by and touch them inappropriately.
Young is said to have shouted: "Nobody tells a Wookie what to do" which is exactly one of the things our test subjects are documented to have screamed at AWD scientists. Among other things: "Don't touch me, I'm Catholic!" "Stop fondling my sandwiches!" and "Overlady Green is PEOPLE!"
It is a happy coincidence that Young was appearing as Chewbacca that day, or we may have been discovered.
I would like to thank Operative Black Orange for this report.
Vincere Causa Anima et Lucri
WASHINGTON TO FEEL OUR PRESENCE!
I am happy to report the successful infiltration of military forces scheduled to be transferred to Washington State. Approx. 30 of our most trusted Dolphin allies have agreed to go deep undercover supposedly "working for" the United States Military to help find waterborne attacks.
Little does our good Uncle Sam realize that these Dolphins are actually there to subtly influence military politics! These agents will be working hard to indoctrinate new agents, and move up the ranks to positions of power.
Agents working within the subversive organization PETA have also tipped off their supposed superiors to this act of "Animal Cruelty". So long as the nation consideres Dolphin "inferior animals" then our plans are fool-proof.
I would like to personally acknowledge Agent Red Zenith for this report.
Vincere Causa Anima et Lucri
Little does our good Uncle Sam realize that these Dolphins are actually there to subtly influence military politics! These agents will be working hard to indoctrinate new agents, and move up the ranks to positions of power.
Agents working within the subversive organization PETA have also tipped off their supposed superiors to this act of "Animal Cruelty". So long as the nation consideres Dolphin "inferior animals" then our plans are fool-proof.
I would like to personally acknowledge Agent Red Zenith for this report.
Vincere Causa Anima et Lucri
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