TRAITOR CAPTURED!

Just moments ago a report found it's way to my desk, filed by Operative Black Wheelie, telling of a heroic struggle against a foul traitor. I now recount the highlights for you, the Agents and Operatives. Let this be a lesson to all of you: We do NOT condone treachery!

-5.34 Agent Red Patches suspected of using AWD email account for personal reasons (forbidden under Code 3215-Sub Paragraph 7)

-5.47 Investigation uncovers a series of lewd messages sent to unknown person. Details too racy to include in official reports (full print-outs attached per your orders, sir)

-6.01 Agents dispatched to Red Patches' desk

-6.29 Red Patches appears to be out

-6.53 Still no sign of Patches

-7.37 Saw person walking by, enquired as to the whereabouts of Red Patches; passerby seemed hesitant, beaten, knew nothing

-8.22 Operative Blue Zipper excuses himself to restroom

-8.24 B. Zipper claims that someone is holding their feet up in one of the stalls, trying to hide no doubt (refer to training manual pg 22 section 4 "How to Tell if Someone is Hiding: The Bathroom Stall Feet Trick", this situation is clearly discussed)

-8.35 Definitely Red Patches, Green Watch and I wait outside (Article 33, Section 2, Paragraph 7: no female personnel in male restrooms and vice versa)

-8.49 Zipper exits restroom looking haggard, but with Red Patches in custody; Traitor confesses to writing emails to secret sweet-heart, said sweet-heart is under the employ of Society for Total Control (STC)

-9.00 Traitor executed, higher-ups of STC contacted, assuming they executed sweet-heart


As you all can plainly see, those who choose to fraternize with the enemy, no matter how sweet their heart, can expect nothing but cold, swift, salty justice. Now, if you all will excuse me, I have several pages of traitorous emails to leaf through.

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri