Sad news from headquarters today, one of our most brilliant agents lays dead in her cubicle. Agent Blue Turbo lost her her life today in a combination of deceit and candy. Reports indicate that she received an anonymous gift today on her desk between a stack of finished reports and a small statuette of one "Tasmanian Devil" in mid spin. Upon opening it, she discovered a box of assorted candies, and began to search out whom had left it for her. Thankfully, by that time I was back in my office.
After eating a single piece, a severe peanut allergy caused her throat to close up, then promptly explode. I assure the next recipient of my affections, I will do better research next time. My condolences to Blue Turbo's family.
In lighter news, a radiation leak in sector Alabaster lead to a hilarious mutation in Operative Black Rooster. If you see him in the hallway, be sure to enjoy the rendition of Back In Black that his lungs now whistle every time he breaths!
May you all continue in your success, and be sure to be aware of your own allergies, be they for peanuts, or high levels or radiation...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Showing posts with label Secret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Secret. Show all posts
6/5/07
COVERT OP. SUCCESS IN ITALY!
I am proud to report that our Italian branch, lead by one of our top agents: Ivory Coast, has successfully completed it's objective.
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
4/7/07
3/15/07
GLORIOUS RETURN FROM HIDING!
I understand your grief, fellow members of AWD, but worry no longer for I, Overlord Blue, am safe. You all must have been so worried when one of my more notable secret bases ceased all communication with the outside world. It must have kept you all up at night wondering what could have possibly happened to your beloved leader. Now that it is over, I have officially declassified the whole thing for your benefit.
The following are excerpts from my private journal:
Feb 18; my dream is soon to come to fruition. It has taken my underlings and I years to get this far. In a few short days I will attain my full potential.
Feb 23; palms burning, but is a good pain, worthy pain. Nobody can understand the full power of the device... the force it can deliver.
Feb 28; cannot take the strain for much longer, though it is needed. Been up for 36 hours, no food save what I can spare from the main supply. Need more time to discover it's secrets!
Mar 3; smell driving me mad... underlings anxious, understandable... nobody gets what I'm trying to do, they're fools! Do the simply not realize the full significance?
Mar 6; Tomorrow, I show them.
Mar 13; all I can remember is fire... plan for perfect carrot cake must be shelved for now. Deaths: innumerable Cost: incalculable. However, such is the price of progress. Sugar to flour ratio nearly perfected.
As you can see, I have been incredibly busy. Luckily Overlord Grey covered for me on the update. No doubt you've all been kept up to date on the day-to-day happenings of the organization- what?
It appears Overlord Gray has been falling down on the job. This, people, is why we have acid mines...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
The following are excerpts from my private journal:
Feb 18; my dream is soon to come to fruition. It has taken my underlings and I years to get this far. In a few short days I will attain my full potential.
Feb 23; palms burning, but is a good pain, worthy pain. Nobody can understand the full power of the device... the force it can deliver.
Feb 28; cannot take the strain for much longer, though it is needed. Been up for 36 hours, no food save what I can spare from the main supply. Need more time to discover it's secrets!
Mar 3; smell driving me mad... underlings anxious, understandable... nobody gets what I'm trying to do, they're fools! Do the simply not realize the full significance?
Mar 6; Tomorrow, I show them.
Mar 13; all I can remember is fire... plan for perfect carrot cake must be shelved for now. Deaths: innumerable Cost: incalculable. However, such is the price of progress. Sugar to flour ratio nearly perfected.
As you can see, I have been incredibly busy. Luckily Overlord Grey covered for me on the update. No doubt you've all been kept up to date on the day-to-day happenings of the organization- what?
It appears Overlord Gray has been falling down on the job. This, people, is why we have acid mines...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
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