Well, we did it folks. Countless years of work and effort have finally paid off:
We control the world.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you. Also this message is designed with a special code that will activate each and every one of your "Killswitches". By the time you get to this line, you'll be dead and all the power that we've taken will be mine alone...
April Fools!
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Showing posts with label Black. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Black. Show all posts
4/1/08
12/11/07
A NEW YEAR DAWNS!
It has recently been brought to my attention that the calender is about to run out of 2007 so I decided to update the status report before the present becomes the past.
-BLUE DIVISION
We here at Blue have seen great leaps and bounds as of late. Our dummy corporations are seeing spikes in profit as Christmas Shoppers abound. One of our newest mind control initiatives Project: Hemisphere has seen great success as one of the holiday's best selling toys "Baby's First Talking Nighttime Mobile". We expect to see results as the unwitting subjects reach positions of power in 20-30 years.
-RED DIVISION
A number of great victories in the field were overshadowed by a crippling defeat in the heart of the pacific ocean. One of our undersea military instillation (Site Gamma-13, or Fort Chesterfield, as it is known familiarly) came under attack from an enemy force. Thankfully the site was not destroyed, but several good agents lost their lives in the attack.
Know that the enemy forces (in this case Panasonic and their crack submarine division) shall soon feel our anger. OverLord Red is not known for dawdling when there is vengeance to be had.
-GREEN DIVISION
We grow a step closer each day to our goal of point-to-point teleportation. As of right now we can send things through space instantaneously, but where it will come out is a complete mystery.
On a related note please inform your local Headquarters if you see the following operatives: Green Blast, Green Weevil, Green Yarn and Green Freeze.
-IVORY DIVISION
Dedicated Conjurers work tirelessly to resurrect the spirit of Julius Cesar in an ongoing attempt to learn from the past. Sadly, it would appear that his spirit is unreachable. Top Ivory theorists speculate that it is because his soul ended up in the wrong afterlife, or that he is not, in fact, dead. The suggest that he is living (so to speak) as a vampire somewhere north of Prague.
-BLACK DIVISION
As always, our intellegece divions failures and successes are classified to keep our agents safe.
-ORANGE DIVISION
An estimated 132 traitors were caught and processed in the passed few weeks, thanks to the tireless efforts of one Orange Butterfly. She has single-handedly rooted out every enemy agent in our ranks that has crossed her path, fulfilling her quota exactly.
Where she keeps coming across all this evidence is a wonder. How she gets so many signed confessions is between her and the torture chambers in Orange Headquarters.
-PURPLE DIVISION
The war against the Sentient Fungi from Alpha Centauri is going as well as can be expected. However, new recruits are always needed for the fight against this tireless enemy. As a reminder to those out on the front line: If you feel any itchiness of the eyes, ears, throat or lungs, please inform a superior agent so they may dispose of you before you become a sick human slave to the evil Fungi.
-YELLOW DIVISION
Kudos to agents Yellow Reader and Yellow Bandit for capturing a group of time pirates out to plunder the secrets of the Knights Templar. Rest assure that these criminals were dealt with swiftly, and their bones left to bleach in the hot desert sun. The information they were seeking could have lead them to a large stash of treasure which has recently be knocked down to make way for one of AWD's many underground bases. The Knights Templar have been informed in the present, and (begrudgingly) thank us for our work.
To all our Agents and Operatives in the feild, keep up the good work! Christmas Bonuses have, sadly, been canceled.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
-BLUE DIVISION
We here at Blue have seen great leaps and bounds as of late. Our dummy corporations are seeing spikes in profit as Christmas Shoppers abound. One of our newest mind control initiatives Project: Hemisphere has seen great success as one of the holiday's best selling toys "Baby's First Talking Nighttime Mobile". We expect to see results as the unwitting subjects reach positions of power in 20-30 years.
-RED DIVISION
A number of great victories in the field were overshadowed by a crippling defeat in the heart of the pacific ocean. One of our undersea military instillation (Site Gamma-13, or Fort Chesterfield, as it is known familiarly) came under attack from an enemy force. Thankfully the site was not destroyed, but several good agents lost their lives in the attack.
Know that the enemy forces (in this case Panasonic and their crack submarine division) shall soon feel our anger. OverLord Red is not known for dawdling when there is vengeance to be had.
-GREEN DIVISION
We grow a step closer each day to our goal of point-to-point teleportation. As of right now we can send things through space instantaneously, but where it will come out is a complete mystery.
On a related note please inform your local Headquarters if you see the following operatives: Green Blast, Green Weevil, Green Yarn and Green Freeze.
-IVORY DIVISION
Dedicated Conjurers work tirelessly to resurrect the spirit of Julius Cesar in an ongoing attempt to learn from the past. Sadly, it would appear that his spirit is unreachable. Top Ivory theorists speculate that it is because his soul ended up in the wrong afterlife, or that he is not, in fact, dead. The suggest that he is living (so to speak) as a vampire somewhere north of Prague.
-BLACK DIVISION
As always, our intellegece divions failures and successes are classified to keep our agents safe.
-ORANGE DIVISION
An estimated 132 traitors were caught and processed in the passed few weeks, thanks to the tireless efforts of one Orange Butterfly. She has single-handedly rooted out every enemy agent in our ranks that has crossed her path, fulfilling her quota exactly.
Where she keeps coming across all this evidence is a wonder. How she gets so many signed confessions is between her and the torture chambers in Orange Headquarters.
-PURPLE DIVISION
The war against the Sentient Fungi from Alpha Centauri is going as well as can be expected. However, new recruits are always needed for the fight against this tireless enemy. As a reminder to those out on the front line: If you feel any itchiness of the eyes, ears, throat or lungs, please inform a superior agent so they may dispose of you before you become a sick human slave to the evil Fungi.
-YELLOW DIVISION
Kudos to agents Yellow Reader and Yellow Bandit for capturing a group of time pirates out to plunder the secrets of the Knights Templar. Rest assure that these criminals were dealt with swiftly, and their bones left to bleach in the hot desert sun. The information they were seeking could have lead them to a large stash of treasure which has recently be knocked down to make way for one of AWD's many underground bases. The Knights Templar have been informed in the present, and (begrudgingly) thank us for our work.
To all our Agents and Operatives in the feild, keep up the good work! Christmas Bonuses have, sadly, been canceled.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
7/9/07
TEST SUBJECTS NEEDED POST HASTE!
Black Division has just updated me concerning their Reykjavik Initiative, which involves the development of the Eighth Sense. For those of you who need a reminder, the human body has around 12 senses that we have found.
You are all familiar with the first five (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell). The sixth vastly differs between individuals; for example some can sense the undead, some can find lost keys, others can follow electrical current. I personally have a sixth sense for bad movies, I can tell a movie will be bad based solely on the opening credits. The Seventh sense is gravity.
But it is the Reykjavik Initiative that is attempting to heighten the common recruits' sense of the future, number 8. A number of techniques have already been developed, but some are still in the experimental stage.
This is where you, the AWD Operatives, come in.
OverLord Black has asked me to post a general bulletin seeking people to fill the following positions:
-Chemovoyant: Someone who is willing to drink unknown elixirs, and then guess what card Agent Black Fedora is holding.
-Inertiovoyant: Someone who feels comfortable sitting in a high powered centrifuge, then juggle four power crystals. After which guess what Agent Black Jumper is about to say.
-Electrovoyant: Someone who will be strapped to a large chair, and shocked repeatedly, then made to inhale an ancient magic powder. They must then be able to predict which side a piece of toast will land.
-Erotovoyant: Someone who is willing to look at various forms of pornography, and to perhaps participate in sexual intercourse. They must then predict the outcome of the next American Presidential Election.
If you have read any of those and thought "Hey, that sounds just like the sort of thing I could die happy doing", then please contact me, OverLord Blue, and I will pass on your application to OverLord Black.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
You are all familiar with the first five (sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell). The sixth vastly differs between individuals; for example some can sense the undead, some can find lost keys, others can follow electrical current. I personally have a sixth sense for bad movies, I can tell a movie will be bad based solely on the opening credits. The Seventh sense is gravity.
But it is the Reykjavik Initiative that is attempting to heighten the common recruits' sense of the future, number 8. A number of techniques have already been developed, but some are still in the experimental stage.
This is where you, the AWD Operatives, come in.
OverLord Black has asked me to post a general bulletin seeking people to fill the following positions:
-Chemovoyant: Someone who is willing to drink unknown elixirs, and then guess what card Agent Black Fedora is holding.
-Inertiovoyant: Someone who feels comfortable sitting in a high powered centrifuge, then juggle four power crystals. After which guess what Agent Black Jumper is about to say.
-Electrovoyant: Someone who will be strapped to a large chair, and shocked repeatedly, then made to inhale an ancient magic powder. They must then be able to predict which side a piece of toast will land.
-Erotovoyant: Someone who is willing to look at various forms of pornography, and to perhaps participate in sexual intercourse. They must then predict the outcome of the next American Presidential Election.
If you have read any of those and thought "Hey, that sounds just like the sort of thing I could die happy doing", then please contact me, OverLord Blue, and I will pass on your application to OverLord Black.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
6/5/07
COVERT OP. SUCCESS IN ITALY!
I am proud to report that our Italian branch, lead by one of our top agents: Ivory Coast, has successfully completed it's objective.
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
5/28/07
WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK... OUR ENIMIES!
Reports from forward operatives looking very good today, as news trickles in that the leapord did in fact make it.
It seems that some civillians might have been caught in the crossfire, due to a bit of a mix up at out Israile HQ. But after a brief stopover he did make it to the secret meeting of the Brotherhood of Total Conquest (BTC) where it successfully mauled several leading figures of that orginization.
I would like to take some time out to apologize to the unfortunate family who was caught in the crossfire, know that it probably won't happen again.
Before I go, there is one update for those operating in Rachel Sector: be careful. We've had some serious leaks out there, and we wouldnt wany anybody to get mutated.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
It seems that some civillians might have been caught in the crossfire, due to a bit of a mix up at out Israile HQ. But after a brief stopover he did make it to the secret meeting of the Brotherhood of Total Conquest (BTC) where it successfully mauled several leading figures of that orginization.
I would like to take some time out to apologize to the unfortunate family who was caught in the crossfire, know that it probably won't happen again.
Before I go, there is one update for those operating in Rachel Sector: be careful. We've had some serious leaks out there, and we wouldnt wany anybody to get mutated.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
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