A NEW YEAR DAWNS!

It has recently been brought to my attention that the calender is about to run out of 2007 so I decided to update the status report before the present becomes the past.

-BLUE DIVISION
We here at Blue have seen great leaps and bounds as of late. Our dummy corporations are seeing spikes in profit as Christmas Shoppers abound. One of our newest mind control initiatives Project: Hemisphere has seen great success as one of the holiday's best selling toys "Baby's First Talking Nighttime Mobile". We expect to see results as the unwitting subjects reach positions of power in 20-30 years.

-RED DIVISION
A number of great victories in the field were overshadowed by a crippling defeat in the heart of the pacific ocean. One of our undersea military instillation (Site Gamma-13, or Fort Chesterfield, as it is known familiarly) came under attack from an enemy force. Thankfully the site was not destroyed, but several good agents lost their lives in the attack.
Know that the enemy forces (in this case Panasonic and their crack submarine division) shall soon feel our anger. OverLord Red is not known for dawdling when there is vengeance to be had.

-GREEN DIVISION
We grow a step closer each day to our goal of point-to-point teleportation. As of right now we can send things through space instantaneously, but where it will come out is a complete mystery.
On a related note please inform your local Headquarters if you see the following operatives: Green Blast, Green Weevil, Green Yarn and Green Freeze.

-IVORY DIVISION
Dedicated Conjurers work tirelessly to resurrect the spirit of Julius Cesar in an ongoing attempt to learn from the past. Sadly, it would appear that his spirit is unreachable. Top Ivory theorists speculate that it is because his soul ended up in the wrong afterlife, or that he is not, in fact, dead. The suggest that he is living (so to speak) as a vampire somewhere north of Prague.

-BLACK DIVISION
As always, our intellegece divions failures and successes are classified to keep our agents safe.

-ORANGE DIVISION
An estimated 132 traitors were caught and processed in the passed few weeks, thanks to the tireless efforts of one Orange Butterfly. She has single-handedly rooted out every enemy agent in our ranks that has crossed her path, fulfilling her quota exactly.
Where she keeps coming across all this evidence is a wonder. How she gets so many signed confessions is between her and the torture chambers in Orange Headquarters.

-PURPLE DIVISION
The war against the Sentient Fungi from Alpha Centauri is going as well as can be expected. However, new recruits are always needed for the fight against this tireless enemy. As a reminder to those out on the front line: If you feel any itchiness of the eyes, ears, throat or lungs, please inform a superior agent so they may dispose of you before you become a sick human slave to the evil Fungi.

-YELLOW DIVISION
Kudos to agents Yellow Reader and Yellow Bandit for capturing a group of time pirates out to plunder the secrets of the Knights Templar. Rest assure that these criminals were dealt with swiftly, and their bones left to bleach in the hot desert sun. The information they were seeking could have lead them to a large stash of treasure which has recently be knocked down to make way for one of AWD's many underground bases. The Knights Templar have been informed in the present, and (begrudgingly) thank us for our work.

To all our Agents and Operatives in the feild, keep up the good work! Christmas Bonuses have, sadly, been canceled.

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri

END OF WORLD DATE RESCHEDULED

After a week or so of deep solitude, I and the other Grand Oracles of Blue Division have come to the same conclusion: We were wrong about the world ending on July 10th 1997. It's been a while, I know, but we wanted to be sure of our error before reporting it. We are very thorough people if nothing else.
Thankfully, we have come to an alternative date for the end of the world: August 17th 2015. This is good news for us, because it allows us more time for our plans to come to fruition. Our new date of Total Conquest is sometime in April, 2010.
Everyone is going to have to step it up, just becasue we get an extra 18 years to get everything done (plant mutated crops, set up armies, imprisoning dissadents, freeing political prisoners, perfect cybernetic implants, etc.) dosent mean we dont have to work hard to get there.
One final word for those Yellow Agents working in Winston Sector: Keep an eye out for a large, reptillain lifeform. It has very large, sharp claws, can spit acid and move at around 80mph. It answers to the name Ronnie, and is probably just lonely and misunderstood.
If found (and subdued), please return to Blue Operatives in the area.

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri

ATTENTION YELLOW OPERATIVES:

There will be a special message from Blue Division tonight at 9:31 pm in the form of a harmless breakfast sausage commercial. Turn to channel 23 at this precise time to learn startling new information regarding the Lycra Initiative. Skip every third word in the announcer's speech and reverse the punctuation, turning each 15th letter counterclockwise by a degree of 32.9 and therein lies the message.
Special thanks to Blue Hyperion for her tireless efforts backstage on the set of this particular commercial. Thanks to her, we can all enjoy an enhanced level of communication. As is customary, she will be receiving her gift basket in 2-3 business days.

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri