Here are a few things I've learned today:
1) Clones are very fast
2) They seem to posess personal memories of their original (for example, passwords)
3) A size 10 to the ol' Unauthorized Zone hurts... a lot.
In conclusion:
Whoever keeps cloning me- you are the only one who's laughing!
It's probably Green Division, hazing some new scientists, playing pranks (damn punks). If I find out who is responsible, mark my words: A Size 10 in your zone will be the LEAST of your problems!
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Showing posts with label Blue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blue. Show all posts
5/23/08
TRAITORS! TRAITORS EVERYWHERE!
Sad news for AWD, it seems that all around me have gone mad! I have no idea as to the scope of this infection, whether it's localized to Blue Division or stretches to the entirety of our glorious organization. But the truth remains the same:
I am being hunted.
All day people have been giving me odd looks, and I swear I am being tracked. But they have no idea with whom they deal. There's a reason I've survived coup after overthrow after power struggle. Let's see how prepared they are for a size 10 boot to the old "unauthorized zone"!
Drat! Some one's at the door. Any of you who are still loyal to me and to AWD give the secret signal to all cameras! WIth any luck, I'll come and collect you soon...
ANIMA ET LUCRI!
I am being hunted.
All day people have been giving me odd looks, and I swear I am being tracked. But they have no idea with whom they deal. There's a reason I've survived coup after overthrow after power struggle. Let's see how prepared they are for a size 10 boot to the old "unauthorized zone"!
Drat! Some one's at the door. Any of you who are still loyal to me and to AWD give the secret signal to all cameras! WIth any luck, I'll come and collect you soon...
ANIMA ET LUCRI!
4/1/08
SUCCESS!
Well, we did it folks. Countless years of work and effort have finally paid off:
We control the world.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you. Also this message is designed with a special code that will activate each and every one of your "Killswitches". By the time you get to this line, you'll be dead and all the power that we've taken will be mine alone...
April Fools!
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
We control the world.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you. Also this message is designed with a special code that will activate each and every one of your "Killswitches". By the time you get to this line, you'll be dead and all the power that we've taken will be mine alone...
April Fools!
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
2/14/08
LOVE IS IN THE AIR!
This update is to inform those AWD operatives working within Yanni Sector, and specifically those who do business in our Local Victory Outpost, that we will be testing a new compound in your area today.
Agents in Green Division have been working on a new pheromone compound that will drive normal humans into a state of frenzied... affection, we'll say affection. Please note that any agents in that area are excused for any late work, as today might prove more busy than usual.
Who knows? If all goes well with this test, next year's Super Bowl might prove to be quite interesting.
On a related note, I want all footage of today's test shipped directly to the OverCouncil, as the results of this test interest us greatly.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Agents in Green Division have been working on a new pheromone compound that will drive normal humans into a state of frenzied... affection, we'll say affection. Please note that any agents in that area are excused for any late work, as today might prove more busy than usual.
Who knows? If all goes well with this test, next year's Super Bowl might prove to be quite interesting.
On a related note, I want all footage of today's test shipped directly to the OverCouncil, as the results of this test interest us greatly.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
12/11/07
A NEW YEAR DAWNS!
It has recently been brought to my attention that the calender is about to run out of 2007 so I decided to update the status report before the present becomes the past.
-BLUE DIVISION
We here at Blue have seen great leaps and bounds as of late. Our dummy corporations are seeing spikes in profit as Christmas Shoppers abound. One of our newest mind control initiatives Project: Hemisphere has seen great success as one of the holiday's best selling toys "Baby's First Talking Nighttime Mobile". We expect to see results as the unwitting subjects reach positions of power in 20-30 years.
-RED DIVISION
A number of great victories in the field were overshadowed by a crippling defeat in the heart of the pacific ocean. One of our undersea military instillation (Site Gamma-13, or Fort Chesterfield, as it is known familiarly) came under attack from an enemy force. Thankfully the site was not destroyed, but several good agents lost their lives in the attack.
Know that the enemy forces (in this case Panasonic and their crack submarine division) shall soon feel our anger. OverLord Red is not known for dawdling when there is vengeance to be had.
-GREEN DIVISION
We grow a step closer each day to our goal of point-to-point teleportation. As of right now we can send things through space instantaneously, but where it will come out is a complete mystery.
On a related note please inform your local Headquarters if you see the following operatives: Green Blast, Green Weevil, Green Yarn and Green Freeze.
-IVORY DIVISION
Dedicated Conjurers work tirelessly to resurrect the spirit of Julius Cesar in an ongoing attempt to learn from the past. Sadly, it would appear that his spirit is unreachable. Top Ivory theorists speculate that it is because his soul ended up in the wrong afterlife, or that he is not, in fact, dead. The suggest that he is living (so to speak) as a vampire somewhere north of Prague.
-BLACK DIVISION
As always, our intellegece divions failures and successes are classified to keep our agents safe.
-ORANGE DIVISION
An estimated 132 traitors were caught and processed in the passed few weeks, thanks to the tireless efforts of one Orange Butterfly. She has single-handedly rooted out every enemy agent in our ranks that has crossed her path, fulfilling her quota exactly.
Where she keeps coming across all this evidence is a wonder. How she gets so many signed confessions is between her and the torture chambers in Orange Headquarters.
-PURPLE DIVISION
The war against the Sentient Fungi from Alpha Centauri is going as well as can be expected. However, new recruits are always needed for the fight against this tireless enemy. As a reminder to those out on the front line: If you feel any itchiness of the eyes, ears, throat or lungs, please inform a superior agent so they may dispose of you before you become a sick human slave to the evil Fungi.
-YELLOW DIVISION
Kudos to agents Yellow Reader and Yellow Bandit for capturing a group of time pirates out to plunder the secrets of the Knights Templar. Rest assure that these criminals were dealt with swiftly, and their bones left to bleach in the hot desert sun. The information they were seeking could have lead them to a large stash of treasure which has recently be knocked down to make way for one of AWD's many underground bases. The Knights Templar have been informed in the present, and (begrudgingly) thank us for our work.
To all our Agents and Operatives in the feild, keep up the good work! Christmas Bonuses have, sadly, been canceled.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
-BLUE DIVISION
We here at Blue have seen great leaps and bounds as of late. Our dummy corporations are seeing spikes in profit as Christmas Shoppers abound. One of our newest mind control initiatives Project: Hemisphere has seen great success as one of the holiday's best selling toys "Baby's First Talking Nighttime Mobile". We expect to see results as the unwitting subjects reach positions of power in 20-30 years.
-RED DIVISION
A number of great victories in the field were overshadowed by a crippling defeat in the heart of the pacific ocean. One of our undersea military instillation (Site Gamma-13, or Fort Chesterfield, as it is known familiarly) came under attack from an enemy force. Thankfully the site was not destroyed, but several good agents lost their lives in the attack.
Know that the enemy forces (in this case Panasonic and their crack submarine division) shall soon feel our anger. OverLord Red is not known for dawdling when there is vengeance to be had.
-GREEN DIVISION
We grow a step closer each day to our goal of point-to-point teleportation. As of right now we can send things through space instantaneously, but where it will come out is a complete mystery.
On a related note please inform your local Headquarters if you see the following operatives: Green Blast, Green Weevil, Green Yarn and Green Freeze.
-IVORY DIVISION
Dedicated Conjurers work tirelessly to resurrect the spirit of Julius Cesar in an ongoing attempt to learn from the past. Sadly, it would appear that his spirit is unreachable. Top Ivory theorists speculate that it is because his soul ended up in the wrong afterlife, or that he is not, in fact, dead. The suggest that he is living (so to speak) as a vampire somewhere north of Prague.
-BLACK DIVISION
As always, our intellegece divions failures and successes are classified to keep our agents safe.
-ORANGE DIVISION
An estimated 132 traitors were caught and processed in the passed few weeks, thanks to the tireless efforts of one Orange Butterfly. She has single-handedly rooted out every enemy agent in our ranks that has crossed her path, fulfilling her quota exactly.
Where she keeps coming across all this evidence is a wonder. How she gets so many signed confessions is between her and the torture chambers in Orange Headquarters.
-PURPLE DIVISION
The war against the Sentient Fungi from Alpha Centauri is going as well as can be expected. However, new recruits are always needed for the fight against this tireless enemy. As a reminder to those out on the front line: If you feel any itchiness of the eyes, ears, throat or lungs, please inform a superior agent so they may dispose of you before you become a sick human slave to the evil Fungi.
-YELLOW DIVISION
Kudos to agents Yellow Reader and Yellow Bandit for capturing a group of time pirates out to plunder the secrets of the Knights Templar. Rest assure that these criminals were dealt with swiftly, and their bones left to bleach in the hot desert sun. The information they were seeking could have lead them to a large stash of treasure which has recently be knocked down to make way for one of AWD's many underground bases. The Knights Templar have been informed in the present, and (begrudgingly) thank us for our work.
To all our Agents and Operatives in the feild, keep up the good work! Christmas Bonuses have, sadly, been canceled.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
7/6/07
END OF WORLD DATE RESCHEDULED
After a week or so of deep solitude, I and the other Grand Oracles of Blue Division have come to the same conclusion: We were wrong about the world ending on July 10th 1997. It's been a while, I know, but we wanted to be sure of our error before reporting it. We are very thorough people if nothing else.
Thankfully, we have come to an alternative date for the end of the world: August 17th 2015. This is good news for us, because it allows us more time for our plans to come to fruition. Our new date of Total Conquest is sometime in April, 2010.
Everyone is going to have to step it up, just becasue we get an extra 18 years to get everything done (plant mutated crops, set up armies, imprisoning dissadents, freeing political prisoners, perfect cybernetic implants, etc.) dosent mean we dont have to work hard to get there.
One final word for those Yellow Agents working in Winston Sector: Keep an eye out for a large, reptillain lifeform. It has very large, sharp claws, can spit acid and move at around 80mph. It answers to the name Ronnie, and is probably just lonely and misunderstood.
If found (and subdued), please return to Blue Operatives in the area.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Thankfully, we have come to an alternative date for the end of the world: August 17th 2015. This is good news for us, because it allows us more time for our plans to come to fruition. Our new date of Total Conquest is sometime in April, 2010.
Everyone is going to have to step it up, just becasue we get an extra 18 years to get everything done (plant mutated crops, set up armies, imprisoning dissadents, freeing political prisoners, perfect cybernetic implants, etc.) dosent mean we dont have to work hard to get there.
One final word for those Yellow Agents working in Winston Sector: Keep an eye out for a large, reptillain lifeform. It has very large, sharp claws, can spit acid and move at around 80mph. It answers to the name Ronnie, and is probably just lonely and misunderstood.
If found (and subdued), please return to Blue Operatives in the area.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
6/7/07
DEATH KNOCKS IN THE GUISE OF CONFECTIONARY DELIGHTS!
Sad news from headquarters today, one of our most brilliant agents lays dead in her cubicle. Agent Blue Turbo lost her her life today in a combination of deceit and candy. Reports indicate that she received an anonymous gift today on her desk between a stack of finished reports and a small statuette of one "Tasmanian Devil" in mid spin. Upon opening it, she discovered a box of assorted candies, and began to search out whom had left it for her. Thankfully, by that time I was back in my office.
After eating a single piece, a severe peanut allergy caused her throat to close up, then promptly explode. I assure the next recipient of my affections, I will do better research next time. My condolences to Blue Turbo's family.
In lighter news, a radiation leak in sector Alabaster lead to a hilarious mutation in Operative Black Rooster. If you see him in the hallway, be sure to enjoy the rendition of Back In Black that his lungs now whistle every time he breaths!
May you all continue in your success, and be sure to be aware of your own allergies, be they for peanuts, or high levels or radiation...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
After eating a single piece, a severe peanut allergy caused her throat to close up, then promptly explode. I assure the next recipient of my affections, I will do better research next time. My condolences to Blue Turbo's family.
In lighter news, a radiation leak in sector Alabaster lead to a hilarious mutation in Operative Black Rooster. If you see him in the hallway, be sure to enjoy the rendition of Back In Black that his lungs now whistle every time he breaths!
May you all continue in your success, and be sure to be aware of your own allergies, be they for peanuts, or high levels or radiation...
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
6/5/07
COVERT OP. SUCCESS IN ITALY!
I am proud to report that our Italian branch, lead by one of our top agents: Ivory Coast, has successfully completed it's objective.
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
If you will recall from the 32nd 5 point plan we are attempting to establish a larger foothold in southern Europe to gain power in the Mediterranean sea. Our methods are simple and ingenious, our agents places special transceivers on ships all across the Italian peninsula which send out a signal that angers a very special breed of fish...
If you are unfamiliar with Project: Poseidon's Wrath we have bred a special kind of fish that is able to fire a high-intensity beam of energy able to cut through any ship's hull (except wood, thankfully the day of the mighty galleon has come and gone).
But, though the devices are in place we are not in the clear yet. We must hope that the fish are never caught commercially. A side effect of the genetic manipulation has left this particular breed quite delicious. It would surely be a smash on the open market, and the creatures would be fished to extinction, making them useless to us.
On that note, there will be a very special menu next week in all cafeterias controlled by AWD. Consider it a reward for future successes, no need to thank me. A dictator I may be, but a noble heart beats in this chest.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
5/28/07
WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK... OUR ENIMIES!
Reports from forward operatives looking very good today, as news trickles in that the leapord did in fact make it.
It seems that some civillians might have been caught in the crossfire, due to a bit of a mix up at out Israile HQ. But after a brief stopover he did make it to the secret meeting of the Brotherhood of Total Conquest (BTC) where it successfully mauled several leading figures of that orginization.
I would like to take some time out to apologize to the unfortunate family who was caught in the crossfire, know that it probably won't happen again.
Before I go, there is one update for those operating in Rachel Sector: be careful. We've had some serious leaks out there, and we wouldnt wany anybody to get mutated.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
It seems that some civillians might have been caught in the crossfire, due to a bit of a mix up at out Israile HQ. But after a brief stopover he did make it to the secret meeting of the Brotherhood of Total Conquest (BTC) where it successfully mauled several leading figures of that orginization.
I would like to take some time out to apologize to the unfortunate family who was caught in the crossfire, know that it probably won't happen again.
Before I go, there is one update for those operating in Rachel Sector: be careful. We've had some serious leaks out there, and we wouldnt wany anybody to get mutated.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
4/2/07
ATTENTION YELLOW OPERATIVES:
There will be a special message from Blue Division tonight at 9:31 pm in the form of a harmless breakfast sausage commercial. Turn to channel 23 at this precise time to learn startling new information regarding the Lycra Initiative. Skip every third word in the announcer's speech and reverse the punctuation, turning each 15th letter counterclockwise by a degree of 32.9 and therein lies the message.
Special thanks to Blue Hyperion for her tireless efforts backstage on the set of this particular commercial. Thanks to her, we can all enjoy an enhanced level of communication. As is customary, she will be receiving her gift basket in 2-3 business days.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
Special thanks to Blue Hyperion for her tireless efforts backstage on the set of this particular commercial. Thanks to her, we can all enjoy an enhanced level of communication. As is customary, she will be receiving her gift basket in 2-3 business days.
Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri
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