Search for Julius Caesar's Spirit: New Developments

Ivory Division has successfully located Julius Caesar's 4th cousin (twice removed) on his mother's side. Percival Caesar, a centurion, was previously thought slain in a battle with the Gauls. Surprisingly, he turned up this week at a coffee shop in western Saskatchewan, where he was disguised as a barista while hiding from the RCMP. Percival was replaced by a lookalike military drone (graciously provided by a joint effort from Red and Green Divisions) and has been brought into AWD custody for questioning.

Temporal Anomaly

Keen observers may have noticed an apparent lack of activity within the organization beginning in late January of 2009 and continuing to just prior to this posting. Some memory loss during this period is normal. There is no cause for alarm. AWD's central facilities and extended operating areas, including the majority of the Earth's surface area and portions of its interior, underwent an unexpected but harmless temporal anomaly.

Rumors that an Ivory Division metamagic dimensional-tunneling experiment contributed to this occurrence are entirely unfounded. Our internal investigators have found no evidence to support this theory, instead pointing to malfunctioning equipment in Green Division's research labs as a more likely culprit. The results of our investigation will be distributed on a need-to-know basis to senior personnel.

Ivory Coast out.

AWD Flag Celebration Cerimony

Tomorrow is the day when all of us in the AWD recognize our own greatness with the annual Grand Flag of AWD Celebration Cerimony. During the cerimony, we will pay homage to all those lost in battle, followed by a potluck lunch. However, this year, if you do bring something it MUST be concealed and contained in the official AWDSCDSD (Association for World Domination Snack Conceilment and Decontaminating Serving Device) in order to stop any threat of poisoning by traitors. Fail to do so, and you will be forced to report to your local Execution Officer.

---NEW THIS YEAR: Disembowelment Chamber!---

As always, family is invited. All family members must remain in the AWDFICC (Association for World Domination Family Interrogation and Captivity Chamber). IT IS FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!

And last but not least, all AWDFCC (Association for World Domination Flag Celebration Cerimony) events will NOT be taking place this year due to the ever growing threat of treason.

Call or email your section supervisor for more details.

EMERGENCY UPDATE

Here are a few things I've learned today:

1) Clones are very fast

2) They seem to posess personal memories of their original (for example, passwords)

3) A size 10 to the ol' Unauthorized Zone hurts... a lot.

In conclusion:

Whoever keeps cloning me- you are the only one who's laughing!

It's probably Green Division, hazing some new scientists, playing pranks (damn punks). If I find out who is responsible, mark my words: A Size 10 in your zone will be the LEAST of your problems!

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri

TRAITORS! TRAITORS EVERYWHERE!

Sad news for AWD, it seems that all around me have gone mad! I have no idea as to the scope of this infection, whether it's localized to Blue Division or stretches to the entirety of our glorious organization. But the truth remains the same:

I am being hunted.

All day people have been giving me odd looks, and I swear I am being tracked. But they have no idea with whom they deal. There's a reason I've survived coup after overthrow after power struggle. Let's see how prepared they are for a size 10 boot to the old "unauthorized zone"!

Drat! Some one's at the door. Any of you who are still loyal to me and to AWD give the secret signal to all cameras! WIth any luck, I'll come and collect you soon...

ANIMA ET LUCRI!

ATTENTION: SECTOR YAGA

The phones here are down, so I'm just going to go ahead and say this here:

Activate the device.

We'll stay here and monitor if it's working or not. If it does, you'll know what to do.

If it dosent... well, you all won't really care will you?


Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri

SUCCESS!

Well, we did it folks. Countless years of work and effort have finally paid off:

We control the world.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you. Also this message is designed with a special code that will activate each and every one of your "Killswitches". By the time you get to this line, you'll be dead and all the power that we've taken will be mine alone...

















April Fools!


Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

This update is to inform those AWD operatives working within Yanni Sector, and specifically those who do business in our Local Victory Outpost, that we will be testing a new compound in your area today.
Agents in Green Division have been working on a new pheromone compound that will drive normal humans into a state of frenzied... affection, we'll say affection. Please note that any agents in that area are excused for any late work, as today might prove more busy than usual.
Who knows? If all goes well with this test, next year's Super Bowl might prove to be quite interesting.
On a related note, I want all footage of today's test shipped directly to the OverCouncil, as the results of this test interest us greatly.

Vincere Causa Anima Et Lucri